I wish.

I wish I could tell you that the news from Paul’s PET scan this morning was good. I wish I could tell you that the radiation zapped the tumor into oblivion. Oh, how I wish I could tell you that we’re now into the periodic scan phase of this go-round with cancer.

But I can’t.

The news is not good. The PET scan lit up.

It didn’t light up “like a Christmas tree,” as you sometimes hear. The area that lit up was considerably smaller than in Paul’s pre-treatment scan, and the rest of the scan looked the same as before.

While the diagnostic radiologist’s report on the scan wasn’t done in time for Paul’s noon doctor appointment, Dr. Liao is fairly certain that the bright spot on the scan is cancer. It’s been long enough since the end of radiation that the glow isn’t likely to be from tissue that’s still healing. And there’s a sore spot in the back of Paul’s mouth that hasn’t healed, right about where the scan lit up, that Dr. Liao said looks a bit worse than at Paul’s last appointment.

Still, the news could be worse. The cancer is localized, and there’s less of it.

So what now? At this point, surgery appears to be the only option for getting rid of the tumor, as Paul has had the maximum radiation dose they can give him (for the next few years, anyway), and chemotherapy alone is not curative for this cancer.

Dr. Liao thinks that, with the reduction in size of the tumor, it will be more easily resectable, but we’re still looking at major surgery in an area that has already been subjected to both radiation and previous major surgery.

After we got home this afternoon, and had a long cry and a way-too-late lunch, the scheduler from the UW Otolaryngology department called. Paul has an appointment with Dr. Futran, the surgeon who performed his cancer surgery in 2004, at 8:15 tomorrow morning.

More to come. Please keep sending your good thoughts, love, prayers and well wishes our way.

28 thoughts on “I wish.

  1. Oh man. I’m so sorry. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear at all. No fair. Stupid cancer is stupid. Sending you so many good thoughts and love and hugs.

  2. Come on…I still believe…

    It may not be the fairytale news we all would have loved to hear, but it is better then it could have been and there are options.

    Chins up…we are all with you in spirit and the power of our collective energies is behind you both.


  3. Oh, I’m so sad to hear this news. You and Paul have both been in my thoughts and I wish that you had gotten the results you hoped for. Let’s plan to connect before the holidays – it’s been far too long since we saw you both.

  4. Lifting you both up in prayer and sending love, hugs and healing energy to you both! I’m here if you need me–just call!

    Love, Beth

  5. Thanks for the detailed information, Kim…we know that you, Futran and Paul are a winning team.

  6. Thanks so much for the update. I’ve been wondering and hoping since I read Kimberly’s post saying results would be out today. I’m so, so sorry. This is not fair. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that the appointment tomorrow with the surgeon goes absolutely as well as possible at this point. And of course sending all love and good vibes to both of you.

  7. Oh, Kimberly, I’m SO sorry to hear that this particular round on this oh-so-serious “game” isn’t over yet. You’re both still in it, with an excellent team and support network. Paul’s also still in better shape than the last time around for surgery.

    Very best wishes to you both for your appointment tomorrow morning.


  8. I wish too…..you both have many friends and family collectively hugging you from a distance. Love and prayers to you both!

  9. Kimberly, we are so sorry to hear this news. We will be keeping Paul and you in our thoughts and prayers. Keep up your spirits. We are holding you both in the light.

  10. My heart goes out to you both. Sending love and light and healing thoughts your way.


  11. Kim I’m so sorry to read this news. Cancer bites. Here’s hoping that things turn out OK.

  12. I’m sorry to hear the news. I don’t know you guys, but I’ve been through radiation and 3 Dr. Futran surgeries, so I have been following your blog on and off for a few years, hoping we all have a happy ending. I still haven’t faced the “kobayashi maru” scenario, but with every new occurance you can’t help but wonder if this is it. But, there’s always hope until there isn’t, and I know you’re in good hands. Let us know what Dr. Futran says. Wishing you the best.

  13. There is no fair or unfair in this; it is what it is, and all we can do is cry and love one another and hold on as best we can through the hard times. That is what you two do, and what you have done before, with grace under pressure the rest of us can barely imagine. Hugs to you both, and good wishes.

  14. all my energies shall hence be sent to you Mr. Paul as that damn cancer will be eliminated from your person forthwith! Our love and thoughts are with you both Jedi warriors.

  15. Dear Paul and Kim — So very sorry to hear this news. I hope the world is kind to you today, blue skies, furry cats, crisp apples, sunshine, and all other healing things. Much affection — Kathy

  16. Words fail me.
    I feel like crying with you and I stand in awe of the strength you both have. I refuse to believe that you and your wonderful doctors won’t beat this terrible disease.
    You are both in my heart.

  17. I’m so, so sorry to hear this news. It just totally s*cks! Hang in there as best you can and take care of each other. I know you do.

  18. Dear Kim and Paul
    Just had an e-mail from Barbie and I am heart sick with the news. I will hold you in my prayers and hope that you both stay strong . We know miracles happen. I will be thinking of you .

  19. We are so sorry to hear the recent news. Keep strong and know that we are thinking of you and praying for better results.
    Susan , Pete and Rachel

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