Three months since Paul’s surgery… I go back and forth between thinking “Has it already been three months?” and “It has only been three months?” My sense of the passage of time is out of whack.

As you will have gathered from the past couple of days’ posts, the three-month report is, well, mixed. I try to remember to be thankful every day that the squamous monster is gone, and that, for the most part, Paul is healing well. Unfortunately, I don’t always manage to do that, particularly not when my sweetheart feels ill from a feeding, and I can’t do a damn thing to help him. This three month anniversary is a frustrating reminder that Paul’s doctors thought – or at least said – that he’d be swallowing within “a couple of months” after surgery. He is swallowing a little bit, but not easily, and not nearly well enough to do without the tube feeding. This is not the way it was supposed to be at this point!

I was thinking today that I want to talk with Dr. Futran again. I want to hear what his thoughts are on Paul’s swallowing problem, and whether he has any suggestions for how to proceed from here to get Paul eating real food again. Paul has a follow-up appointment scheduled in early July, but that feels like a really long time from now.